Sunday, July 20, 2003

Somebody up there likes Deion



By Ryan Ernst
The Cincinnati Enquirer

Ever wonder how Deion Sanders knew precisely when to break on a ball to pick it off? How he always got amazing jumps on the base paths? Why he seemed to have eyes in the back of his head on punt returns? No, it wasn't the shoes. It was the Son of Man.

Sanders, who knocked down a lawsuit from the owner of a car repair shop earlier this week, allegedly paid only $1,500 on a $4.265.57 bill, in the name of Jesus.

The former two-sport star says he told the owner "God bless you," but denies the fact that Jesus told him how much to pay, as shop owner Phil Compton claimed.

Nonetheless, it got us at Top of the Second thinking: What else has the King of Kings told Deion. Want to know "What would Jesus do?" Just follow Prime Time's lead.

• The Carpenter's Son apparently once told Neon Deion to release a low-budget rap album. Take that however you like.

• Jesus was also behind that locker-room baptism of Tim McCarver, carried out by none other than Deion. Additional baptisms have happened in the pool in Sanders' backyard, the one that says PRIME TIME in triplicate at the bottom.

• And it must have been the Son of God who convinced Prime Time to title his autobiography Religion $aved Me. The "S" is a dollar sign, get it?

• The Holy One died on a cross, which he must have asked Sanders to memorialize with cross pendants in gold, platinum and diamonds.

• Despite some churches' standards of etiquette, the King of Kings apparently doesn't object to sunglasses indoors.

Other lessons to be taken from the patron saint of end zone celebrations:

• Despite a reserved appearance, the Prince of Peace is all for a little highsteppin'.

• Nothing says pious like a 'do rag.

• Avoid tackling people - it's not Christ-like. Besides, interceptions are what get you on TV.

• The color purple reminds us of Easter and the sacrifices made by the Son of Man. Have a suit in each shade of it.

• It ain't braggin' if you can do it. Just ask Deion, and the Good Shepherd.

• Wear a Jheri curl, ya know, for Christ.

E-mail rernst@enquirer.com




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Somebody up there likes Deion

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