Sunday, July 13, 2003

Tale of the tape


Broadway Joe vs. Joe Millionaire

By Ryan Ernst
The Cincinnati Enquirer

One was a player on the field and a playboy millionaire away from it; the other was a worker in the construction field and pretended to be a playboy millionaire away from it. Who's the man? Joe Willie or Joe Milli? Let's go to the tape.

REAL NAME

Joe Namath

Edge

Push

Evan Marriott

COOLEST MOMENT

Guaranteeing a victory in Super Bowl III despite his Jets' role as the heavy underdogs, then making good on the promise.

Edge

JN

Letting the entire country in on a joke he played on 20 gold-diggers. Priceless.

WEAKNESS

Gimpy knees

Edge

JM

Creepy eyebrows

ON WOMEN:

"I like my Johnnie Walker Red and my women blonde."

Edge

JN

"When the right girl comes around, she'll just kind of stumble upon me."

INCOME

Signed as a rookie in 1965 for $427,000 and a cool Lincoln Continental

Edge

JN

$19,000 for his half-year in construction plus $500,000 from the show minus taxes minus publicist minus stylist minus ... you see where this is going

FAME

40 years and counting

Edge

JN

15 minutes ... just ... about ... up

HALL OF FAME

Pro Football

Edge

JN

Neanderthal

HOLLYWOOD CIRCLES

So 25 years ago

Edge

JM

So 25 minutes ago

FUTURE PROSPECTS

Still knows how to charm the public

Edge

JN

Still knows how to work a backhoe, and there's always Playgirl

SVENGALI

Paul "Bear"

Bryant

Edge

JN

Paul "the Butler" Hogan

CONFIDENCE

"I can't wait until tomorrow ... 'cause I get better-looking every day."

Edge

JN

"The girls, whether they were picked or not picked, had a good time."

Winner: Joe guaranteeing victory here would be like John Madden guaranteeing a victory over a potpie. It was a laugher (8-2).




REDS
Reds 5, Brewers 1
Reds notebook: Four-man rotation ripe for change
Master plan yielding only frustration
Daugherty: Reds product hardly worthy of fan support at this rate
Reds first half rewind
Reds chatter
Reds Q&A
Down on the farm

MORE BASEBALL
NL: Bonds' 30th HR ties Foxx record
AL: Halladay makes it lucky 13 vs. Yanks
Ordonez replaces Ramirez as All-Star
MLB power rankings

ENQUIRER PAGE TWO
Sports and reality TV: Behold the promise
This Turkish tradition isn't slip-slidin' away
Tale of the tape: Broadway Joe vs. Joe Millionaire
Page Two power rankings

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GOLF
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The Walrus shares lead with Watson, McCullough

BASKETBALL
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TENNIS
Thomas playing beyond his years

TOUR DE FRANCE
Armstrong comes up short in Alps

BOXING
King's bodyguard sues Tyson

ON THE AIR
Sunday sports on TV, radio