Sunday, July 13, 2003

Pulfer: TV infomercial Springer's latest 'silly show'



map
Jerry Springer, you sleazy rascal, are you serious this time? Because we know you can be a kidder.

Last winter, you told students at Miami University you hoped you wouldn't be judged entirely by your "silly show," as you are fond of calling it. In fact, you said, "I wouldn't watch it."

Of course not.

You are much too smart to rot your brain with the likes of "bi-curious Carl who slept with a one-breasted man who now won't go away" or cultural exchanges such as "Wives vs. Mistresses" and "My Brother is My Lover" and "Lesbian Threesomes with Mom."

And, by gosh, this "silly show" has made you rich.

Your new infomercial - great idea, by the way, look what it did for the Buns of Steel video and Suzanne Somers' Thigh Master - just comes right out and says so. Even as you are asking for money. Your picture, my friend, must be in the dictionary right next to moxie.

You got a pretty good laugh from the 300 who rattled around in the bleachers at Millett Hall when you said you might run for office but you "don't really need the work."

That trip to Oxford last February must have set you back a dollar or two by the time you gassed up your Cessna and paid the pilot and limo driver. But I like the way you casually mentioned leaving the Bentley at home, along with the dancing transvestites and strippers. Which may have been why there were 2,300 vacant seats.

But you gave everybody their $3 worth and then some. I've always admired your eloquence and quick wit. And, hey, you never promised them fistfights or nudity. You called your speech "All Politics is Global." Really, everything is global these days. Even your "silly show."

The BBC told England your show "over the years has had audiences from some 30 countries to which the program is syndicated, open-mouthed at the depravities to which people can sink."

American people, of course. Now maybe foreigners will stop thinking of us as cowboys and start thinking of us as pre-op transvestites and cheating spouses.

Ohio State Sen. Eric Fingerhut, whose already announced as a Democratic candidate, told the Enquirer's Spencer Hunt, "He's doing tremendous harm to the state's image." Fingerhut noted that the title of Thursday's Springer show was "I'm Pregnant by My Brother Part 2!" The Cleveland Democrat added: "Apparently this issue is so pressing that one show couldn't cover it adequately."

Good one, Senator.

But Jerry Springer knew you'd say something like this. "There's no question they will try to use the show against me," he says on the infomercial that has begun to air all over the country.

Some people will stoop to anything, won't they?

But you've got testimonials from Hamilton County Commissioner Todd Portune and Cincinnati Vice Mayor Alicia Reece to balance the scales. Which seems a little bit like Elizabeth Taylor's testimonial proclaiming Michael Jackson "the most normal person I know."

But it's all show biz, right?

OK, let me try this on for size. United States Senator Jerry Springer.

Nope. It just makes me want to throw a chair.

---

E-mail lpulfer@enquirer.com or phone 768-8393.




ENQUIRER COLUMNISTS
Bronson: Flynts' outrage just part of their fetish for ink
Howard: Some good news
Pulfer: TV infomercial Springer's latest 'silly show'

PAGE A1
Convergys: Council agonizes over take-it-or-leave-it deal
Convergys could displace 5 companies
You're more familiar with Convergys than you think
Tell 'em what you think
Stung online, few claim innocence
New laws OK'd online police stings
Protecting your kids while they're online

METRO NEWS
Parents' pride: All 3 kids in Iraq
Tall Ships set their sails for northern Ohio ports
Butler receives aid for seniors
Bicycle trek aids research, services for MS
Should records go on 'Net?
Residents fight shopping center
Mystery of stolen rabbit statue solved
Dad accused of giving son a lethal drug overdose
Episcopalians turn to humor to fill the pews
600 nuns hold regional meeting
OSU trustees pass second tuition increase in 3 months
Some suspects allowed to roam
Tristate A.M. Report

OBITUARY
David J. Pusack, 80, retired engineer

KENTUCKY REPORT
Blood shortage delays some surgeries
Cloggers, tiny dragsters, prize chickens and more
Lakeside Park cops suspect homicide
Body identified as S. Lebanon woman
A.G. says they called despite do-not-call
Dems draw up battle plan at saloon
$100,000 reward in attack on Ky. horses
Ky. teachers' salaries trail U.S. average