Sunday, June 29, 2003

From bash to bars: Canseco awaits trial

By Ryan Ernst
The Cincinnati Enquirer

Former American League MVP Jose Canseco was sent to jail Monday to await a July 21 hearing on whether he violated probation by testing positive for steroids.

As terms of his probation for a nightclub brawl conviction, Canseco was on house arrest when he allegedly failed the drug test. So how is the bad-boy slugger spending his time in the clink? We, at Top of the Second, have a few ideas.

• Getting a 40/40 prison tatt.

• Thinking of all the ways his home made a better cell. Leather couches, big fish tank, Scarface poster ...

• Not fitting in with the ese's.

• Teaching cellmate the Bash Brothers' handshake.

• Weeping, then laughing maniacally.

• Singing Borderline by Madonna in a slow, sad baritone.

• Requesting fourth "hot" to go along with "cot" and three other "hots."

• Wasting your tax money.

• Autographing shanks.

• Doing steroids - allegedly. Watching other inmates lift weights, chuckling to self.

• Trading cigarettes for muscle shirts.

• Calling Darryl Strawberry, learning prison slang. What's a mule?

• Entertaining "Share a Cell with Jose" guests at $2,500 a pop.

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