By Shauna Scott Rhone, The Cincinnati Enquirer
and James H. Burnett III, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel

It's getting warm. People are restless after becoming involuntary introverts during the winter.

One of the most common goals early in the season is to meet a nice girl or nice guy - or hot girl or hot guy - and turn that meeting into romance.

But relationship experts say many young singles don't know the most basic rules of "the game," so they rarely turn "hellos" into first dates or first dates into second dates.

Lesson 1: Avoid desperation

The dater: Sarah Underwood, 22, of Walnut Hills

Her story: A first date with the brother of her manager proved to be a disaster. The manager and her husband tagged along for support, which turned out to be a good thing since the date barely uttered a word throughout the entire evening. The only time he spoke up was to suggest a place for dinner, after Underwood revealed she's a vegetarian. His choice? The carnivore-friendly restaurant Hooters. A second date never occurred.

Gilda Carle, a relationship expert, college professor and staple of the daytime talk show circuit says dating singles need to rebound and refamiliarize themselves with the rules of the game.

"Since 9-11, I've done singles workshops all over the country," says Carle. "And one disturbing thing that I'm seeing more than ever before is desperation. There are more desperate people out there than you would believe."

Smart singles will think of the first approach to a potential date as another conversation, Carle says.

Those who strike out "tend to approach that person as though they're making a presentation at work," she says. "If you open your mouth to that person you've spotted across the room and begin speaking as if to a friend, you will get his or her attention."

David Anderson is an economics professor at Centre College in Danville, Ky., known for applying economics and business theory to personal relationship success.

He says dating desperation can be avoided if the date-seekers look at the search for love the same way as a search for a new car or home. Anderson's advice? Play hard to get. "Those who don't know a lot about wine tend to assume that the more expensive wine is better than the cheap stuff," he says. "Likewise, those who are evaluating little-known dating prospects tend to assume that those who are a bit harder to attract or seduce have superior traits that aren't immediately observable."

Ultimately, good conversation seems to be the key to getting a foot in the door.

Lesson 2: Watch your mouth

The dater: Marta Trujillo, 25, of Reading

Her story: Two girlfriends persuaded her to go on a triple date with an older brother of one of the guys. By the end of the evening, he talked about his "hot ex-girlfriend," flirted with other women and ignored her through most of the evening. To make matters worse, she found out later he had to be talked into the date hours before it started.

For Ron Cater, president of the Boston-area introduction service Successful Singles, it's a matter of strategically sharing the right information about one's self and asking the right questions.

"You'd think a lot of this stuff is common sense, but I'm amazed at how quickly people ruin their chances for a first date or a second date by saying something dumb," says Cater.

"It's like the guy who tells a woman he's on a first date with, 'I've never had a relationship last longer than four months.' Immediately she's thinking, 'OK, what's wrong with this picture.' You think he's getting a second date? No way!"

But he says good conversation can involve more than words and meals can be great bonding tools.

Carle says first-encounter and first-date conversation can fly or fail on timeliness.

"Keep in mind the average listener turns off and tunes out the average speaker after the first seven seconds. And that happens when they don't think the speaker's being real or is coming across with airs," she says.

Lesson 3: Be real

The dater: Krista Whitaker, 29, of Hamilton

Her story: Her date took her to a Chinese restaurant and spent half the time talking about was how much money he made. He was a complete jerk to the servers, ordering them around and being extremely rude. When the check came, he made a point of announcing he would pay it with his gold card. She tried to end the date and escape, but he insisted on a goodnight kiss. She turned her head in time to receive a lip smash on the cheek and promptly hopped in her car.

Men and women, after meeting for the first time or meeting up for that first date, might early on compliment something the other is wearing.

"Remark about something that has nothing to do with religion or politics or anything that's going to get you in trouble the first time you open your mouth," Carle says. "Ask open-ended questions where they have to respond in more than one-word answers."

Ask someone if they frequent a certain place, and they're likely to simply say "yes" or "no." But compliment them, then ask where they purchased their nice dress or snazzy necktie and they'll sense your interest.

E-mail srhone@enquirer.com