Ordinary taxpayers who tour the White House are herded behind ropes like cattle in a five-star stockyard. They're told, "Don't touch the historic lamps that Hillary threw at Bill."

OK, so they don't say it exactly that way, but you get the message: "Hands off." Only a small part of the White House is open for tours - like having an open house in your mudroom. It makes you wonder: What are they doing behind those locked doors?

A report last June by the GAO, thick as a Mason phone book, tells us. And it sounds like a Who concert at an Animal House toga party.

`Extremely trashed'

When the Bush team finally got the keys to the White House from the Clinton mob two years ago, they found: drawers glued shut, broken locks, wrecked furniture, chairs that had broken arms and legs, stains and cigar burns, large holes in walls, piles of pencil shavings, offices "extremely trashed," a dozen missing historic doorknobs, stolen presidential seals and TV remotes, 26 missing cell phones, more than 100 damaged phones, dozens of prank phone messages and obscene "greetings," computer and power cords ripped from walls and 62 keyboards with the "W" keys pried off.

The GAO interviewed hundreds of White House staffers and concluded that some of the vandalism was criminal. The Clinton gang said it was "normal wear and tear."

The report says the worst damage was in the offices for Vice President Al Gore and first lady Hillary Clinton.

Democrats adamantly denied it at the time. And President Bush was graceful enough to let them. But the GAO lays it out in sickening detail.

Why bring it up now? Because the Clintonistas desperately want us to forget it so they can rewrite history. The same liberals who hated Nixon for 20 years demand amnesty for their disgrace.

Not gonna happen.

Eeeuw, that smell

While Mr. Clinton spends $200 million on his presidential library in Little Rock, another group is raising money for another Clinton monument almost next door.

"Our Counter Clinton Library will be a permanent thorn in the side of the Clintons as they try to hide and distort their anti-American, anti-family, anti-military legacy," says the Web site, www.counterclintonlibrary.com.

It will include the Hillary Hall of Shame, the Grifters Gallery, the National Insecurity Hall, Pardons for Dollars, Department of Domestic "Affairs" and the Exit Room, which will eventually show how the White House looked after the Clinton juveniles trashed it.

"The so-called mainstream media, which gave the Clintons a pass for all their misbehaviors while they were in office, are certain to let Bill and Hillary get away with lying about their misdeeds now, too," says the Web site, which says it is "Dedicated to presenting the TRUE Clinton legacy."

They have a point. Bill Clinton's Library will not be in the same time zone with the ugly truth.

The GAO reported a "terrible smell" in one White House office after the Clintons left. I think it was the Oval Office.

E-mail pbronson@enquirer.com or call 768-8301.