The afternoon sun pried its way past the blinds in my office, drawing lines of light and shadow on the walls. I had my feet on my desk, cleaning my .44-magnum ballpoint when someone slipped an affidavit under my door.

        Actually, it was in my e-mail. My cubicle has no door. Mysteries aren't what they used to be.

        But the affidavit told a chilling tale of the bloody evening of Aug. 16, when a man at the frayed end of his rope grabbed a gun and went looking for the fat Canadians.

        “Friday night, I first tried to chase them off the property,” John Getz testified. “I succeeded in getting them across Clough Pike but, needless to say, they came back. I went home, got my pellet gun and went to where they were at the north end of the lake. I deliberated for a long time, but finally got the nerve to shoot one in the head. It immediately fell over at the lake's edge and died quickly. I shot three more in like manner.”

        He could have used poison. He could have used a car. But he went for the gun. And now he's a target of the law, for goose-icide.

        Turkey of a case

        Mr. Getz, the volunteer treasurer at Heatherstone Homeowners Association in Batavia, says the big flap started when five Canada geese were dumped there in late June.

        He tried spraying goose-repellent, at $195 a gallon. Didn't work.

        The complaints piled up like the stuff that goes through a goose very fast -- around homes, around the pool, where children play, sticking to shoes and creating a big honking health hazard.

        On the day after he sent four geese to take the big sleep, Mr. Getz tried to clean up. It was not pretty.

        “On Saturday morning I spent three hours raking up geese excrement between the clubhouse and swimming pool and the lake, plus cleaning off the patio,” he told Clermont Municipal Court. “I collected a full 30-gallon bag of excrement with only enough plastic left to tie it off.

        “Saturday evening I similarly shot the fifth goose.”

        Who can blame him?

        Goose is cooked

        Ironically, it was one of the homeowners who didn't like his Cosa Nostra-style goose-removal method and ratted him out.

        He is charged with cruelty to animals, and faces up to 90 days in jail. He's defending himself.

        “The geese didn't suffer as I shot them in the head and they died quickly,” he says. “I think it's a case of the law run amok.”

        Clermont County Prosecutor Don White's view is as opposite as light and shadow. “He made a wrong choice and broke the law,” he said. “He could have done what golf courses do and hire someone with border collies to chase the geese away for a few days and they stop coming there. That's the humane way of dealing with the problem.”

        Mr. White said he would not seek jail or a big fine, probably just community service.

        Reading Mother Goose to school kids sounds like a fair sentence to me.

        But I sort of hope Mr. Getz beats the rap. I say let those who have never eaten a murdered Thanksgiving turkey cast the first stone. Case closed.

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