I don't care if Phil Donahue says it's OK for real men to get weepy, it made my skin crawl to see Gov. Patton blubbering through a TV apology for cheating on his wife.

        At least he stuck to his lie for only three days. He beat the Clinton record by a political lifetime. But an honorable man would resign to spare his wife the public humiliation, investigation and litigation.

        Once upon a time, a sex scandal was politically fatal. In the post-Clinton era, it's just a flesh wound.

It's not "old news'

        Speaking of creepy things, Mr. Gore is campaigning for 2004. In an odious attack, he called President Bush a “cowboy.” What a horse's patoot. Someone should tell him “cowboy” is a compliment to guys from Texas.

        The Gore-bot was nearly as hypocritical as Sen. Tom Daschle, who accused Mr. Bush of “politicizing” war against Iraq — on the same day Democrats blamed Mr. Bush for poverty.

        Mr. Gore talked tough about how he would appease Saddam. Maybe he's counting on donations from Iraq the same way he took cash from China, Korea and other illegal sources in 1996.

        Old news? Hardly. The Democratic Party and the Clinton-Gore campaign of 1996 were just smacked with a record fine of more than $700,000 by the Federal Elections Commission. Among the details: A donor from Thailand paid $327,500 for a cup of coffee with Mr. Clinton. (And I thought Starbucks was steep.) Mr. Gore collected $100,000 for showing up at a Buddhist temple.

        Before he tackles foreign policy, Mr. Gore should explain his policy on foreign donations.

Taft turns left

        Just when Ohio Gov. Bob Taft thought conservative Cincinnati was safe again, Ohio Republican Party chairman Bob Bennett stepped in something squishy and tracked it all over Ohio. In a letter to the Cleveland Plain Dealer, circulated locally via e-mail, he called Republicans bigots for objecting to Mr. Taft's black running mate, Jeanette Bradley.

        But Ms. Bradley is unpopular for supporting abortion and gay rights. That doesn't make her critics bigots, it makes them conservatives — something Mr. Bennett and Mr. Taft no longer recognize.

        Conservatives may likewise refuse to recognize Mr. Taft on Election Day.

        Former United Nations arms inspector Scott Ritter is so two-faced he can do two talk shows at once.

        In 1998 he quit the inspections team to protest that the Clinton administration was ignoring a “real and meaningful threat” of nukes in Iraq.

        Now he says Iraq is as safe as Disneyland.

        Maybe that's because, “over the past two years, Mr. Ritter has taken $400,000 from Shakir Al-Khafaji, an Iraqi-American businessman with ties to Saddam,” according to the Wall Street Journal.

        Maybe Saddam should do a Patton and cry on TV.

        E-mail pbronson@enquirer.com or call 768-8301.

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