Watching love story DVDs makes you weepy. You change radio stations when heartsick lamentations fill the air. Everywhere you look, couples hold hands. Even the squirrels run in pairs.

ABOUT THE SERIES

Monday: • Tristate dating scene • Making small talk Tuesday: • Internet dating • Groups and dating services Wednesday: • How to flirt Thursday: • The first date Friday: A good match You are invited to respond to our series, note your experiences and offer tips for improving the single life for follow-up coverage. E-mail srhone@enquirer.com.

        Everybody's got somebody but you. Face it. You're suffering from serious love envy.

        The only cure for it is to get out of your comfort zone and start meeting new people.

        There's no grand mystery about where to meet people, say 12 members of a singles panel the Enquirer convened to sort through the do's and don'ts of dating. “You can meet potentials anywhere from local concerts, a mutual friend, to a library,” says Marta Trujillo, 25, of Reading, a member of the panel.

        The trick, say experts and singles, is what you do when you get there. The first skill that a single people needs to learn is how to make small talk.

        “It usually makes sense to make small talk about the function that one is attending,” Ms. Trujillo says. “Then if that goes well, you can go into the traditional "introducing of self' bit.”

        Stuck for a topic? Brian Vonderbrink of Sycamore Township says to observe the other person's behavior first.

        “You've got to be able to read people,” says the 34-year-old panel member. Note what they're wearing or drinking and offer a positive remark. He also suggests not giving your opinion, but asking someone theirs first.

        Mr. Vonderbrink's time-tested subject: Get people talking about themselves.

        “Once you get them talking about themselves, you get the ball rolling,” he says.

        Relationship author Susan Rabin wants to give single people permission to do what their mothers told them never to do: Talk to strangers.

        When a person learns to make small talk easily with acquaintances, then they can move on to people who attract them or seem attracted to them, says Ms. Rabin.

        “If the chemistry, mutual availability and mutual interest is there, conversation flows on its own” within the limits of the new comfort zone, says panel member Sarah Hawkins, 30, of East Walnut Hills.

        Another panel member, 24-year-old Chris Ott of Kenwood, says people who feel more comfortable talking about things they know need to find people with common interests. Get involved in clubs, sports and hobbies.

        In her book How to Attract Anyone, Anytime, Anyplace (Plume/Penguin, $10.95), Ms. Rabin offers this exercise:

        • Each day, say hello to at least 10 acquaintances (people who know you by sight, but who are not your personal friends).

        • Congratulate yourself on each positive response you receive.

        • When you feel comfortable, turn your simple greeting into an invitation to converse ... and notice which people who seem appreciative of your gesture.
Once you spy someone you'd like to get to know, you can't count on making a connection because that person may put up barriers.

        The person may be hesitant to stretch out of their conversational comfort zone.

        “What often happens is that they're very ambivalent so they undermine themselves,” says Pepper Schwartz, author of The Lifetime Love and Sex Quiz Book (Hyperion, $12.95). “If they're not feeling good about themselves — I don't care if they meet Mr. or Ms. Right — it's important to have their act together.

        “If you're acting out of anger, if you have self-esteem issues, get that part of you together before you go out to meet anybody else. You need to get a personal insight before you go wholeheartedly into dating anyone.”

        Another barrier often is finding people who are single.

        “It's very hard for singles to meet in this region,” says Christopher Smith, 38, who lives downtown. “In the last four years, I think I made one close friend. People here feel very inhibited about what they say with one another. They're so concerned about what everybody else is thinking. There's a very reserved feeling here” that keeps a lot of singles from connecting.

        Finding the wrong kind of singles is a problem, say our panelists.

        “The best way to keep from getting in the wrong situation is to not be in places you don't normally go,” says Ms. Schwartz.

        “If you're not a party animal, don't go to bars. Most people I know don't do well in bars. Think, "where do I shine? Is it the art gallery? Then that's where I should go and date, where others will be comfortable with their surroundings.' A person from an art gallery who goes to find someone in a bar is like a fish out of water. Get onto your own turf and find people who are interested in the same things you are.”

        Many singles say the dearth of nightlife, particularly for Gen Xers, is another barrier to meeting potential dates. One solution may be for singles to create their own outlets for meeting people.

        Grace Hou, 25, of Symmes Township suggests organizing social groups, events and outings with other single, business professionals where it feels like a comfortable place to meet new people.

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