The Enquirer newsroom's Committee Hearing Earnest April 15 Protests (CHEAP) is grateful the Internal Revenue Service will allow deductions of doctor-approved weight loss programs next year.

        Seriously, it was a measure long overdue, since doctor-referred and supervised programs for the morbidly obese have not been covered by the only group more powerful than the IRS — Managed Care.

        So today as we denigrate, er celebrate, the high holy day of the IRS, CHEAP humbly attempts to justify these as deductions:

        The Commute: How many ways do we have to pay for the right to go to work. The car, the gas, the maintenance, the license, the plates. But then, the emissions test too. Too many cars seem to be a bad thing; certainly some drivers are. Let us deduct bus service and we'll take those cars (and drivers) off the road.

        Botox injections. There's nothing worse than seeing a boss' furrowed brow when you're making an important presentation. Deducting the cost of botox injections will encourage everyone trapped in a meeting to have an expressionless face to mask the utter boredom or anxiety of knowing there are tasks multiplying on your desk while you sit motionless in a meeting — you know, the kind where you decide to hold a follow-up meeting.

        Business attire: The tired and humbled masses yearn to breathe free of power ties and to pursue foot happiness without wretched high heels. Give us a simple write-off for these tempest, tossed get-ups if we can't work in the uniform of America: jeans and a T.

        Bengals tickets: We bought the Bengals a stadium. We already know the outcome of the game. At least let us deduct the price of a ticket.

        Lottery tickets: That money goes to the government doesn't it? So, it is like taxes, isn't it? Taxing taxes is a bad thing.

        Newspaper subscriptions: Reading the newspaper is a good thing. Especially the morning daily in Cincinnati. You can get informative articles that make you smarter so you'd know about new tax breaks. Smarter filers could mean less work for the IRS.

        And, you can read it on the bus too, without frowning over silly stories passed along as entertainment. (See above.)

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