Question: “I, like many of my fellow citizens, own a garbage can. However, my can has become damaged, and I wish to replace it. How does one throw away a garbage can?”

        Answer: We understand your dilemma out there in Wyoming, where keeping up with the Joneses' garbage and garbage containers is a real social issue.

        At any rate, when your can is showing signs of age ... and you're having trouble with your trash receptacle, too (tee-hee), here's the best approach to abandonment:

        Assemble 1) a piece of paper, 2) a felt-tip marker and 3) tape. Write “TRASH — PLEASE TAKE” on the paper. Tape paper to can. Set can at curb.

        “Just put a sign on it,” snaps Charlene Allen, Cincinnati equipment dispatcher, who says she gets the question “all the time.”

        “That's worked best for us,” says Debbie Martin, a Wyoming City Hall secretary.

        “But when?” we wondered does one pull the plug on a broken-down cylinder that is part of the family?

        “It's more or less up to the residents,” says Ms. Martin, “When they think it's time to go, it's time to go.”

        But there are standards in Cincinnati, and, if your garbage collector doesn't think your can is meeting them, he has the discretion to take it with him.

        “Sometimes he'll put a note on the can, saying that it's no longer acceptable,” says Ms. Allen. “Replace it, or we'll take it.

        “Sometimes it just falls apart, and there's no choice. He just takes it as trash.”

        Trash cans should have handles and should be easily liftable. They should not have cracks in the bottom.

        In short, they should look a little less trashy than the stuff inside them.
       

        If you have a stupid question, send it to Ask a Stupid Question, Cincinnati Enquirer, 312 Elm St., Cincinnati OH 45202; fax: 768-8330; e-mail mpulfer@enquirer.com.

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