The ideal time for single guys to play the field may have been the 1960s, when baby boomers sang Jan and Dean's lyrics “two girls for every boy.'' Now, Generation X men and women are singing a different tune.

        The latest Census statistics show one American woman for each man. And many Gen-X women are willing to put off marriage and family until they get their careers launched.

        The theme song for X-women may as well be “Independent Women” by Destiny's Child: “...Try to control me boy you get dismissed. Pay my own fun, oh and I pay my own bills...”

        That leaves Gen-X men wondering about their role in relationships.

Male biological clock

               Josh Sneed, a stand-up comedian from Mariemont, is frustrated about the dating scene.

        “I'm not saying that the right girl isn't here in the city, I just can't find the right place to look for her,” he says. “I think everybody's looking in the wrong places. My experience is maybe either bad luck or bad timing.”

DIFFERENT TUNES FOR DIFFERENT TIMES
Using music as a barometer of popular culture, note the difference in lyrics excerpted from these hits from 2000 and 1963.
“Independent Women Part I”   The shoes on my feet   I've bought it   The clothes I'm wearing   I've bought it   The rock I'm rockin'   'Cause I depend on me   If I wanted the watch you're wearin'   I'll buy it   The house I live in   I've bought it   The car I'm driving   I've bought it   I depend on me   (I depend on me)   — Destiny's Child, 2000		“Surf City”   (Surf City, here we come.)   And when I get to Surf City I'll be shootin' the curl.   And checkin' out the parties for a surfer girl.   And we're goin' to Surf City 'cause it's two to one.   You know we're goin' to Surf City, gonna have some fun.   You know we're goin' to Surf City, 'cause it's two to one.   You know we're goin' to Surf City, gonna have some fun, now.   Two girls for every boy.   — Jan and Dean, 1963

        Eric Edwards, who writes a syndicated column called “The Single Guy,” says Gen-X men feel the biological clock “like never before.”

        “The pool of women we wanna date is shrinking,” Mr. Edwards says. “Their numbers are rapidly declining, and we (guys) don't know what to do.”

        Clinical psychologist Dr. John Thomas agrees.

        “I've counseled men in their 30s who are worried about not having a mate. They still want the "white picket fence' thing when I know women who already own their own property. Women who are looking to find good men will seek their own level. This is a great opportunity for assertive women to seek a good mate.”

        Meanwhile, confused and frustrated Gen-X men are asking a lot of questions:

        Question: Are the days of the “player” — the person who casually dates anyone and everyone — gone?

        Answer: “I hate the term "player,' ” Mr. Edwards says. “Look, everybody has an agenda, looking for certain qualities. There's no need to be a player. Why would you go for someone else when you have her, the one you really want?

        “For our part, we're used in the past to run things the way we do,” says Mr. Edwards, 30, of Orlando. “But the longer you wait, the longer you're willing to wait. Nobody's settling anymore, so it may lead people to become comfortable and to be single longer.”

        Q: Why are the numbers evening out?

        A: First, the overall birthrate has slowed, dropping 40 percent from 1955-73. Baby boomers have given birth to more boys than girls, and the gender gap keeps narrowing as Gen-Xers — age 17 to 32 — begin having children.

        Couple that with an increase in women — the Gen-X women — graduating from college and putting off children and marriage for career.

        The result: The walk down the aisle keeps getting longer and longer.

        Mr. Sneed, 25, agrees.

        The St. Bernard/Elmwood Place High and UC grad left a cushy job with Procter & Gamble last year to pursue his dream of being a stand-up comedian. His travel schedule, spending weekends on the road, caused the end of his relationship.

        “I seem to keep meeting girls either fresh from bad relationships, not looking or looking to get together (too) quickly,” Mr. Sneed says. “Still, it's really hard to be on the road full-time and be in any kind of relationship.”

        In his travels around the country, Mr. Sneed says he sees the same situation in every city.

        “In Cincinnati, everywhere you go, you see the same people. A lot of people I know got married straight out of high school or just left town. At least in other cities, you see different people, although lots of people just don't go out.”

        Q: What's a single guy to do?

        A: Try getting out more, says Tony Grasha, University of Cincinnati psychology professor.

        “If you want to find people you have something in common with, join a group,” Dr. Grasha says. “I know a lot of people who take adult education classes or sign up for hiking to meet more people.”

        The numbers aren't that dire, Dr. Grasha says. Just put yourself in situations to meet a new group of people, so you don't end up recycling old habits and acquaintances.

        Another relationship expert suggests now is a great time for men to showcase what they have to offer as a potential mate.

        “Bring more to the table,” clinical psychologist Dr. John Thomas says. “Men today need to offer a woman a lot more in terms of spiritual commitment, economic commitment and a general vision for life. Men of all ages are out of contention if they're not ready for that.

        “This is actually good for women,” Dr. Thomas says. “Their advances have put them where men have to raise the bar for themselves. Men today should be wanting more education and wanting to have something more in life. In 2002, it's becoming less of a race issue and more of a class issue,” indicating the increasing number of interracial unions.

        Q: What is it that women want?

        A: “She wants men to treat her right, give her security and give her the love she wants,” Dr. Thomas says. “If he can't supply security for her, where does that leave him? For a lot of women, the love runs thin when their men don't want to grow with them.”

        Dr. Thomas and his wife, attorney Leslie Thomas, host a call-in radio show on psychology and relationships 5-7 p.m. Saturdays on WDBZ-AM (1230). He says the phone lines really lit up during a recent show after his wife mentioned the Census stat on the shrinking gender gap.

        “A lot of men who called resisted the idea of the statistical change (from the Census), Dr. Thomas says. “After we lost so many men during the Vietnam war, a generation later you have the glut of men being born who are now Generation X. Having a lot more men just means nature is rebalancing itself.”

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