Sunday, October 29, 2000

Call for a silliness exorcist

Strange things happen before eerie event - Election Day

        Be afraid. Be very afraid. Not because Halloween is almost here. That's mild compared to what takes place in the final days of a campaign season.

        • You've-got-to-be-kiddinggate: So the Covington City Commission debate is humming along Thursday night, well into its 14th hour — at least it seemed that way — when incumbent J.T. Spence drops this bomb on the crowd:

        Covington police are investigating allegations that a listening device — a “bug” in true Watergate parlance — was placed in a city employee's office at City Hall, a place known to many Covington residents as The House of Horrors.

        Well, the Covington police determined that the device was a camera that didn't even work.

        Also last week, employees in the engineering department thought they had discovered a hidden video camera that turned out to be a coaxial cable.

        Note to city hall staff: Maybe it's time to switch to decaf.


        That's my boy: When Kenton County Attorney Garry Edmondson attended Holmes High School in the mid-1960s, he performed in a couple of school plays, playing Fagin from
Oliver Twist and King Midas, a role from which he's never left character.

        But Thursday night it was his son, Alex, who had the golden touch during the Covington City Commission debate at Holmes.

        Mr. Edmondson, one of six candidates vying for four commission seats, dominated the debate with innovative ideas, passion, a great speaking style and just enough rhetoric to inspire several outbreaks of applause.

        The proud papa was in the front row, beaming at his boy's performance.

        • Now that's scary: In the true spirit of public service, allow me to suggest some costumes for some of our local pols, candidates and others active this election season.

        • Republican state Sen. Jack Westwood, who ducked a campaign debate with Democrat Jaimie Henson — The Invisible Man.

        • Jaime Henson — The Blair Witch.

        • Former Villa Hills Mayor Denny Stein, who ran up some bar bills on city credit cards — A Hooters girl.

        • Villa Hills Mayor Steve Clark, the subject of a criminal investigation who has an ability to inspire almost blind loyalty in his supporters — Jim Jones.

        • The youngish Steve Kramer, Republican candidate for Kenton Circuit Clerk — Little Lord Fauntleroy.

        • The matronly Mary Ann Woltenberg, the Democratic incumbent circuit clerk — Barbara Bush.

        • Democratic U.S Rep. Ken Lucas, who votes with the Democrats about as often as Tom DeLay — Tom DeLay.

        • Hardball GOP political consultant Hayes Robertson — Lee Atwater.

        • Statehouse candidate Jeb Holbrook, a Fort Mitchell Democrat shown in local news footage chugging a can of beer and then slinging the empty across the room — Gov. Paul Patton, who was recently called a “mouthy drunk” by GOP Senate President David Williams.

        • Gov. Patton — Jeb Holbrook.

        • The overtly self-confident David Williams — God.

        • Yours truly — The rear part of the horse that pulled Kentucky Lt. Gov. Steve Henry and former Miss America Heather French, to their Friday night wedding.



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- CROWLEY: Call for a silliness exorcist
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