Friday, January 07, 2000
Baseball giving Rocker too much thought
BY PAUL DAUGHERTY
The Cincinnati Enquirer
In America, you have the right to be a moron. It's inalienable. That's why God gave us Jerry Glanville and pro wrestling.
Before we began drowning in our need to be politically correct — and thus started suffocating meaningful conversation we really needed to have — there was a TV show called All In The Family. It was all about a moron. It revolved around a moron. It may have been the best show in the history of shows.
Archie Bunker was a moron. Also a crank, a bigot and a homophobe. That was the point. A. Bunker said incredibly dumb things. We laughed. No one took him seriously.
John Rocker, Atlanta Braves relief pitcher, is A. Bunker incarnate. He says the same incredibly dumb things. He is a moron. Why aren't we laughing?
Why are we taking Rocker seriously?
Why did everyone want to stone Rocker after his words appeared in Sports Illustrated last month? Rocker offended 99 percent of the human race, seemingly everyone but the white Anglo-Saxon Protestants with whom he hunts raccoons.
On Thursday, Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig decided Rocker would have to see a shrink before the game could punish him appropriately. Baseball would have to determine how off his rocker was John Rocker.
Ah, c'mon.
Rocker isn't nuts. He's a moron. In this country, you have the right to be a moron.
He's of no consequence
Rocker is not Marge Schott. He doesn't tell anyone what to do. Even if he does, no one is obligated to listen. Rocker doesn't hire anyone or fire anyone. His contribution to the general welfare is limited to fastballs, which is not much contribution at all.
So what's the big deal?
We gave him too much attention the first time, when his silly words appeared in print. Now, we're giving him too much attention again.
Repeat after me:
Rocker plays baseball.
He doesn't make policy, he doesn't teach schoolkids, he doesn't run a corporation. He isn't raising children. In every way but physical size, he is a child.
So what John Rocker thinks about anything — except how to pitch to Barry Bonds with two on and two out in the ninth — is of absolutely no consequence whatsoever.
But baseball is making it seem vitally important.
Baseball thinks it's a grave matter.
“I am profoundly concerned about the nature of those comments,” Selig decided. (Personally, I'm profoundly concerned that Selig is profoundly concerned.) “I have determined that Mr. Rocker will undergo a psychological evaluation.”
Baseball, which could put all its owners in a room with one clock and come up with 30 variations on the time of day, is now officially in the behavior modification business.
I'm sure we'll all sleep better now.
Comeuppance will come
Rocker is entitled to his opinions. Truth to tell, lots of people share them. He shouldn't be subjected to an office couch for them. If baseball really wanted to punish John Rocker, it would make the Braves trade him to New York.
Failing that, baseball should ignore him. We all should ignore him.
Think Rocker hasn't paid for his sins already? Rocker has trashed his career. How can the Braves keep him? If they do, how can they feel good about it? How can Rocker co-exist in their clubhouse? In any clubhouse? How well might Rocker pitch knowing most of the human race knows it's on his personal hate list?
John Rocker has done more to himself than baseball could dream of doing.
Yet baseball will persist. Some of us will applaud: Give us our pound of flesh! Personally, I'd rather have a room full of Rockers than one silent racist. At least I'd know what I was up against.
The guy is allowed to say what he wants. He's also obligated to suffer the consequences. Which he will, most definitely, even if baseball does nothing.
Recognize Rocker for what he is and move on. Rocker will get his, everywhere he goes.
Paul Daugherty welcomes your comments at 768-8454. Fair Game, a collection of his columns, is available at
local bookstores.
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